Thursday, February 09, 2006

Not a good day.

I am so sad.

I just don’t know how to help Coram.

He has had eight good days in a row at school – and at home. His behaviour has been sweet and positive, and excited.

He’s been singing the song his class will perform at the school play next month, and counting on a really big field trip that’s coming up Monday.

He’s earned his Friday privileges, his daily stickers from school, and his piece of his computer puzzle at home.

But today at school, out of the blue, he refused to copy the words from the black board onto his paper. This lead to throwing his paper, tipping his desk, rolling around on the floor, running from one end of his classroom to the other, and taking running kicks at the family worker who was with him.

They are ready to boot him out of his program.

His teacher said to him, ‘ Coram it looks like you don’t want to go to this school anymore.’ And he sobbed and sobbed that he does want to go there. This is the first time he has heard that his behaviour might cause him to be moved to another school, and I think that might motivate him. He loves it there.

And yet, I think it might be too late. There was a supervisor there when he was tantruming, and I think the wheels are already in motion for him to be moved. He doesn’t’ seem to get the chance to change his behaviour now that he knows what’s at stake.

And they don’t want to take him on the field trip. Not to punish him, but because they don’t know if they can keep him safe in that environment, should he tantrum.

So…eight good days, and one horrible, violent day undoes all the good work.

Is Coram ever going to understand that everyone can have a relatively bad day and get another chance, so long as they contain the bad mood? I know that he left the house unhappy this morning because we were out of the bread he has in his lunch every day. But where another child might be grumpy about it, Coram simply cannot cope with life for the rest of the day, and his unhappiness builds up until he is ready to throw things and kick someone.

And after one bad day, he has to face all that he has lost. He will be heartbroken to miss the filed trip. He will be even more heartbroken to leave the school, his new friends, and the upcoming spring play.
I am heartbroken for him


Jude Goodwin said...

That comment about his school was mean and the teacher should be reprimanded.

It there is something like that at stake, first, the child should be informed BEFORE not after the bad behviour

As well, it is far too general a comment for a young child

He had 8 good days and that SHOULD be worth more than some kind of general,'oh dear here we go again this is hopeless' sort of comment from someone who should know better.

My advice is to contact that person and find out exactly what she meant by that comment, and ask her to keep those kinds of comments for conversations with the parents and other teachers.

Or, barring that, at least sit down with Coram and let him know what is at stake. Obviously 8 days are good but that in no way guarantees tantrum days were over.

hugs and kisses to you Jewel

and PS
That comment the teacher made was a hidden 'threat' - not only threat to Coram but threat to his parents as well. Time to get them to back their 'threats' with some real information - as in, 'what's tha plan folks. I want to know now so I can prepare my son'

love mom

Jewel said...

I have spoken with the teacher. They really are meeting to see if there is a spot in a different's not a threat, it's a reality. I just wish they HAD sat and talked to him about it before they did it - becuase now that he knows he may have caused it, there may not be any going back.

And when I said 'how can one bad day undo 8 good days?' she said 'It's not just one bad day. It's one completely off the wall scarey day.'

Jude Goodwin said...

I was talking with your sister about this and she said "Ya! I know what you mean! One time I accidentally got blue ink on the counter and my dad says << Looks like you don't really want that TV for your room >> and I'm like what are you talking about?!?"

Sad day for Coram - and mom and family too. Maybe it is a good thing in disquise - doesn't sound like this current program is working for him. But he doesn't need to feel like he's hanging from a stick over a chasm, about to drop anytime, and someone he can't trust is holding the darn stick.

No matter what, our kids are doing their best. If it's a problem if it's difficult, if it's awful, then we're here to advocate for them and try to help them.

He's got you and he's got his family ...